Nathan, my four year old, screams over the roar of the lawn mower until I stop mowing and watch him shoot baskets. Like all children, my kids have a strong need for their parents to pay attention to them and to take a part in their lives. Whether it is listening to them read, or simply looking at the sea star they found on the beach during a vacation, children want and need our attention.

As parents, we are likely to claim that our families are the most important concern in our lives. Yet, ironically, our actions often do not reflect the same concern. University of Chicago psychologist, Dr. Csikszentmihalyi suggests that unless parents and children "share ideas, emotions, activities, memories, and dreams, their relationship will survive only because it satisfies material needs."

In an era with many fragmented or broken homes, parents must ask themselves how serious they are about putting their family first and how willing they are to commit to the time and effort it takes. For single parents this is particularly challenging but not impossible. One excellent context to build stronger family relationships... to share ideas, emotions, activities and to make meaningful memories... is recreation.

Not all recreation, however, is of equal value. For example, American's spend a great portion of their free time watching television. TV requires little effort and provides little opportunity for family members to interact. Instead of receiving the attention children crave from their parents, they give their attention to a non-responsive object. Consequently, the benefits vary widely depending on the programming. Often the influence of television is negligible or even detrimental. The question we as parents should ask is, "What forms of recreation will be best for our family?"

When selecting family recreation, try to incorporate the following principles: include an intellectual and creative component, provide an opportunity to teach moral behavior and ensure the activity requires social interaction that will promote strong relationships. Research suggests that youth who engage in activities characterized by these principles benefit in a variety of ways. They do better in school and have higher educational expectations. They are less likely to experience boredom in leisure and get involved with substance abuse or other delinquent behaviors.

One example of a good recreational activity that applies the mentioned principles is teaching children to play chess. Chess has a strong intellectual component. It requires knowledge of rules, memory, and strategy. Chess like many games, has its own etiquette that guides how you interact with the opponent. Time shared playing chess should promote stronger relationships.
Parents can also encourage creativity by asking their children to find new ways to start the game and set up new strategies. The moral component is illustrated by emphasizing fair play. Older children can learn to let younger, more inexperienced siblings win once and awhile, thus promoting selflessness.

Another recommendation is instead of just taking a hike, pick up a book at the library about the local wildlife or plants. On the hike, locate and identify different species. Emphasis creativity by preserving and documenting leaves and flowers in a scrapbook. In terms of moral behavior, the family might carry trash bags and pick up litter during the game. Points could be given for plant identification and amount of litter gathered.

The attention children receive from parents and from family interaction promotes stronger relationships. Chess and hiking are just two examples of the many inexpensive activities available. Both require an investment of the time and effort it takes to create meaningful recreation. Since our families really are the most important concern in our lives it is worth the effort.